![]() I was given no prior warning, no way to get back to the team afterward, not even told exactly what it was they saw, asked why I said whatever I might have given I even remember every past argument, not even asked if it's accurate or could have been some fakery from a 4chan / Kiwifarms type website looking to troll people. After 15 years of being in that community (if you count their Freenode IRC room), I'm banned out of the blue purely out of cancel culture over opinions I had, which I never brought up or imagined bringing up in that community to whom I was always professional. The reason? Something I said on a social media platform years ago offended them, that's pretty much it. To keep it short and mention the same thing I said to the Xonotic crew: In the middle of a test I was conducting in-game, I was banned out of the blue from the entire Darkplaces community in a matter of seconds, by one of the developers with whom 5 minutes prior I was just talking to about my code. This required a change to Darkplaces engine to do properly: Inspired by videos on realtime raytracing I recently saw, I visited its development Discord server and brought up my idea, after which I started testing some existing features with other DP members and developers. ![]() ![]() My goal was to change this using a trick I had come up with, essentially implementing emission maps from glow textures using the existing point light system, no need to dive into technical details here. It's something I've been hoping to do for a while now: The game presently uses boring old pre-compiled lightmaps for world lighting, no shadows and other fancy effects. Later this month I was planning to announce on Patreon a change to the lighting system I planned to develop for Xonotic and in consequence my Vore Tournament game. by which I mean Vore Tournament which through Xonotic uses the Darkplaces engine to run. As it's related to a landmark project many people follow me for, it's fair I post about it here as well. I sunk into a hole that was.very hard to get out of.”įound some energy lying around to talk about this one here: The whole thing was a big drain on me in the moment, to the point where I had issues sleeping the night it took place. As time went on and I didn’t hear from my sister or my friend, I just got worse. ![]() I supposed that when I got better, I’d contact her and tell her everything… but I never got better. I was a very, very depressed person and didn’t want to bring her down with me. Honestly, sometimes I think if I’d just reached out to her, she would have saved me from myself, but I didn’t. I should’ve told her that I was in a dark place and that it would be best if we didn’t talk. I have other friends who were lost to tragic accidents. I chose to numb it, to numb out everything I’d lost. So I could either be in pain, but have mental clarity, or numb it, as best I could. He created a serum that helped me to walk and not feel pain, but my other… motor functions weren’t as good, my mind would be a bit foggy. He’s an engineer, a biochemist, he can do anything. I was only able to cope with the pain through a strong drug a very dear friend of mine created - he’s a scientist, you see. The friend that took my sister away… he accidentally shot me in the back, and left me paralyzed.
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